A Novice's Guide to Blogging Terminology and Internet Initialisms

The Internet can be a scary thing to novice web-surfers. Since its rise to fame, terms used within the realm of the Internet have become commonplace in the American lexicon, such as...uh...'web-surfers'. But now all of us web-surfers are presented with something new, a hidden world nestled deep inside of the Internet. I am of course referring to the advent of Blogging. If you thought that the Internet was scary, the world of blogging is like Freddy fuckin' Kruger. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to create a list of terms commonly used in blogging to make your web-surfing easier. Here they are, for all your web surfing needs:

Blog: A web log. Basically, an online journal, but more pathetic, as difficult as that is to imagine.

Blogger: One who blogs. Typically, an asexual shut-in with Asperger's syndrome (Fig. 1).

Blogosphere: The ethereal realm within the Internet where blogs dwell.

Bl'blog: A web log blog. Or a blog about blogs.

Blaugtism: A blogger who is blaugtistic is one who, through chromosomal abnormalities, produces blog postings at a slow rate. See: Phyl.

Blog-Ra: God of blogging (Fig.2). Bloggers worship him in the hopes of a bountiful harvest of comments on their latest blog. Worship generally takes the form of silent weeping into one's keyboard.

Bloug: a British blog

Billablog: an Australian blog

Blahg: a Bostonian blog

Brog: a Chinese blog (sigh)

Blög: a Finnish blog

Blager: Alcoholic beverage enjoyed by a blogger. Used to help ease crippling loneliness.

Blogre: Gruesome, hulking beasts that inhabit the blogosphere. The reason why many bloggers carry broadswords.

Bloggage: Surfer/Pauly Shore slang for posting on a blog.

Another phenomenon of the Internet that may be difficult for some of the more 'green' web-surfers is the use of Internet initialism. When web-surfers converse, it is usually easier to use these shortened terms instead of lengthy phrases. However, with so many terms floating out there in the Internet, it is easy for a web-surfer to get confused. Here is a list of the most common Internet initialisms:

LOL: "Likes Old Ladies"- This is used primarily in dating chat rooms and forums to signify that one has a fetish for more mature women. Example: "19 year old male from NYC. LOL."

AFK: "Another Fucking Korean??"- Used in massively multiplayer online games
in instances when a game is overrun with Koreans. Considered a bigoted term, no
matter how many Koreans may be present. Example: "I was just shot by Han
Moo-hyun! AFK?!?!"

BRB: "Bring Real Butter"-This phrase is common when planning parties
over the Internet, typically to avoid people bringing margarine. Example:
"Mardis Gras party at my place, don't forget to brb!"

BTW: "Better Than Walter"- This acronym is used mainly in news chat rooms as a a compliment, stating that a particular journalist's skills surpass that of the great Walter Cronkite. Example: "Did you see Anderson Cooper last night? Totally BTW!!!"

GTG: "Gay To Gay"- This phrase is a derivative of a heart-to-heart talk, and is usually a preface to a conversation in which one homosexual offers sage advice to another homosexual. Example: "GTG, that man is way to old for you, Barry."

W/E: "I Am Overcome with a Feeling of Wondrous Enlightenment"-One of the most common initialisms, it is said when one is presented suddenly with a life changing moment or epiphany, such as beholding the face of God. Example: "If God is omniscient, then there is no free will. W/E!"

OFH: "One Free Hand"- This is used when you wish to excuse your slow typing since you are masturbating. Example: "Sorry, OFH. Mariel Hemmingway was on the telly."

OMG: "Oh, Merciful Glycon"- This common term is used as an exclamation of reverence for the Roman snake God, Glycon. Example: "Look at this video of an anaconda!OMG!"

IDNHTTOWSTARWTOME: "I Do Not Have the Time to Type Out Words Since There Are Ravenous Wolves Tearing Out My Entrails"- Self Explanatory.

Well, there you have it. I hope this proves useful to all you web-surfers out there. Remember, the Internet can be a scary thing, but with the right terminology, you can accomplish all of your web-surfing dreams.