Forcing Our Beliefs on Our Unbelievably Ignorant Children

In the past couple of years, America has finally acknowledged its growing childhood obesity problem. Fast food restaurants have now added healthy alternatives to french fries, such as "apple dippers," and public schools are cracking down on unhealthy cafeteria items. Children's television programming has even tackled the issue, teaching children to eat right and exercise. Most notably, Sesame Street's Cookie Monster has admitted that cookies are merely a 'sometimes' food and urges moderation. A being whose insatiable lust for cookies has deemed him a 'monster' now urges moderation. I was disturbed that this once beloved character had 'sold out' but I was far more disturbed at how television programmers are trying to alter our children's ideas and beliefs. I decided to research the subject and discovered that there were several instances where political agendas, both liberal and conservative, were fed to our children through the television shows they hold so dear. Below I present some of the biggest offenders.

October, 1997: Fozzie Bear comes out of the closet. After the great uproar over Ellen DeGeneres, the muppets decided to air a special in which one of their most prominent characters reveals that he is a homosexual. However, the move proved to alienate most fans. Conservative fans did not like a children's show character with what they deemed loose morals, and homosexual rights advocates were angered that their plight was trivialized by a Rodney Dangerfield-esque puppet bear. The following year, the producers decided to make Fozzie Bear go back into the closet, arguing that, after he came out, he stated, "wokka wokka wokka," which negates his previous claim. Fans still speculate whether or not he has truly changed, often citing his touchy-feely attitude towards Rowlf.

May, 2003: Cobra Commander retooled as an Islamofascist. When the war in Iraq was still in its infancy, the animated children's cartoon G.I. Joe returned to television. However, the newest incarnation saw terrorist organization and enemy of the 'Joes, C.O.B.R.A., become associated with Islamic terrorists. Changes include Cobra Commander announcing a Jihad against the 'Joes, Destro beheading Road Block on television, Storm Shadow suicide bombing G.I. Joe headquarters, and the Baroness wearing a burka. Needless to say, there were many protests concerning the show's racist tones. Many argued that the show was propaganda, influencing children to become interested in the army, since most felt the war would continue well past the time the average viewer reached a recruitable age. However, the controversy was too great and the show soon reverted to its original format.

January, 2006: Dora the Explorer fights Anti-Immigration initiatives. Latina cartoon character Dora the Explorer is known for her innocent adventures, teaching pre-schoolers basic life lessons, as well as delving into the Spanish language. However, in early 2006, anti-immigration sentiments began to come to a head in the country. The producers of the show are strong advocates of immigration reform, so they commissioned an episode to feature Dora travelling to Washington to lobby for immigrant rights, while Swiper the Fox acted as a racist, bumbling member of the INS. While the production team argued that their intentions were good, many critics felt the material had no place in children's television, since the viewers of the show are, as one journalist put it, "fucking three years old."

February, 2007: Fraggle Rock goes Green. With Global Warming becoming more and more of a hot talking point, the entertainment industry has stepped up as a champion for eco-friendly practices. Many movie studios are working to be carbon-neutral, and several actors are touring the country speaking out in support of the environment. The muppets spin-off, Fraggle Rock, is no different, returning from nearly twenty years off air to help spread the word of Global Warming to a younger generation. Fraggle Rock has always been a show with liberal messages, originally seen by many as an allegory for racial harmony. Now, the shows producers hope it produces environmental harmony. The talking Trash Heap returns to advocate recycling and the Fraggles themselves drive low emission cars. Even the Doozers, the industrious race of ant-like people, have gone Green, constructing their elaborate buildings using machines that run on a more efficient, radish-based fuel. Inside sources hint that Al Gore will possible cameo as the new voice of Travelling Matt. Most agree the show will be unwatchably boring.

So now you know how television is brain-washing your children. Sure, you may agree with their message, but can you agree with it being force fed to little kids? You can? Well so can I, kids suck.